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List of African Trip Essentials
By Lee McLaughlin www.xart.com
eTrips.com Travel
WARNING! Before you get on the plane for AFRICA read this: (This is especially true for Nigeria! Mind you, I have nothing personal against Nigerians. I even find the frequent scammy emails offering millions rather entertaining in an annoying kind of way).
My Trip
There I was. I finally made it to Africa. The dark continent. Why 'dark' I asked myself. It wasn't long before I 'got it'.
The sun was glowing bright orange, or maybe burnt umber, it was getting late. I had one too many beers i think. The quiet river stretched out past the horizon like a silver ribbon of liquid satin. Silhouettes pushed on tall poles and propelled the narrow cutout boats up stream.
Cranes and Egrets glided over the mirror like surface. This is what I wanted to see in Africa. This was wonder and plenty. I strolled closer to the banks for a better view. Just as I rounded a giant mangrove a group of huts appeared. I saw African country life unfolding before me. Women were slicing fish and rolling the flesh in rock salt. Kids were scampering and joyfully playing with the discarded body parts of bush kill. And everything seemed natural and good for a moment. Primitive and sacred.
I realized I was feeling hungry. First time in 4 days. I was becoming more African I thought.
Then, Watching the hoards of blowfly scampering about the newly filleted flesh made my drool recede back into my par-boiled brain.
“What was I thinking” I thought. I am going mad.
There go my brains too.
We watched the boatman pushing the little flat boats up stream stabbing at the water for other tasty treats, and although I wanted to stay for dinner, I just had to continue on into town before the 6:00PM curfew.
While en route.
The highway was littered with rusted truck carcasses all along the way. Dozens of them were scattered along the humid African landscape like old dinosaurs rotting in the Sun.
My guide explained that 20 years ago the southern and northern governments were at war about the millions of dollars going into the southern delta region near the oil wells for refining. And, in order to spread the wealth around they decided to build the refineries in the northern regions. About 1000 miles away. Sounds like a fix, yes? Except for one important factor. Trains were never built so all the crude oil needs to be trucked up north. One truck at a time. Then, of course, the finished gasoline has to be trucked back south for shipment. One truck at a time. Brilliant don’t you think?
So, guess what? A jillion miles of oil shipments later, has taken its toll on all the roads and vehicles of west Africa. Not to mention the landscape.
My driver navigated the wreckage with te agility of a riverboat captian on the mississippi river. The government had closed all the leper hospitals years earlier, so the patiennts had discovered a great ploy to earn a liviing. They would litter the roadway with debris, tree trunks and the like to slow the trafc down to a crawl. I suggest you not to lean your arms and hands out of open windows when pasing these stategic roadblocks.
Not quite the vacation spots I’d ever seen on TV.
But, the jungle was full of wonderful surprises. One bright morning a giant and rather colorful spider tried to mate with my lens cap. "She not poisaness, massa" My driver laughed. I judiciously kept a polite distance. Poisess or no. I left it in the jungle.
That night something carried one of my sandals out of the tent and left behind a large larvae encasement. I thought about using it for a sock but It was still moving a little. My driver poked at it like it might be good to eat. The whole world here is bizarre at best.
Day and Nightmares
While swatting at mosquitoes deep in the oil rich African Delta, I had a realization. These giant mosquitoes are actually primitive, though very efficient air-borne drilling platforms. Sleek and thorough. Just like Shell and Chevron. Focusing on extracting as much fuel as possible before flying off in search of another bloated host.
This, evidentially, must be the origin of the oil industry engineering..
That night I dreamed a brigade of mosquitoes carried one of my arms off into the swampy jungle to meet up with some desparate chiggers and a few warthogs to enjoy some fresh flesh. Mine!
Next morning I awoke to discover my arm had indeed been host to a voracious attack. All that was left was a vague remnant of an apendege.
What used to be skin looked a lot like the red and orange landscape of Mars.
Under close inspection, I thought I could see tiny exploration ships landing dispatching groups of chigger-naughts to other regions of my body to collect samples.
Traveling into this troubled area to record local opinions and realties proved to be very different than imagined. Civil war has broken out there again. People are pissed and poor. Others are just poor and apathetic.
A new president swears he will improve living conditions for the people but the old guard is fighting to keep old control. The resources are dwindling fast.
Overpopulation and bickering local governments add to the chaos.
All in all much of Africa is falling victim to itself. Old struggles don’t die easy they just seem to migrate into new situations.
It was actually quite sad and harrowing for a first adventure into the dark continent.
Exit stage left.
AFRICAN TRIP ESSENTIALS
This is intended for the novice African explorer. If you are young and immortal or old and bullet proof, you can skip this section. If you even think you might be human, this is for you.
- Bring large packets and/or buckets of vitamin C and E because your immune system is about to be hit by an oncoming truck. Make sure you feel healthy before you embark into any third world country, but especially Africa.
Anything you think you know about Africa from books or movies may cause you to experience anxiousness and/or nausea later when you discover it aint that way now.
2. Bring a lot of Deet or some other industrial strength repellent.
African Mosquitoes are professionals. They have advanced cloaking devices and carry extra drill bits. They know you are from a thinner-skinned country and they actually seem to have a sophisticated system for telling all their friends of your arrival in the jungle.
Example; After being repeatedly munched on one night while trying to get some sleep, I got up and searched for the better part of an hour and was never able to find even one culprit. Not one! - However, with the lights off I could hear them all of them each taking swooping turns at my ears and neck, then my arms. It was maddening!
Next day when I awoke, I was a leftover. Hills and lumps of ravaged flesh itched with penetrating persistence.
I never knew that skin could swell and itch so profusely in just 1 day. Truly amazing. Watch out around any waterways, its worse than inland.
Every night the city noises quiet somewhat and the jungle symphony ramps up. Chirps, clicks, squeaks and squawks and an occasional roar from an abgry street vendor or maybe a lion, cascade through the night air dancing on any eardrums available. The jungle vibrations would linger in my ears’ memory long after I would go off to my room and shut myself in.
Then, safe behind adobe walls, noise from the creaking and roaring air-conditioner would surround me. You need to do this if you want any rest from the dense humidity and jungle noise. At least the tired and dreary fan blades pushed the stale thick air around the room. This does offer some comfort.
Down by the river these air-borne appetites swoop in like hungry hang-gliders. Big and graceful wearing utility belts and grinning.
One evening I watched in amazement as a small swarm aimed itself at the camp.
Thousands of glistening wings delicately vibrating through the thick pungent river mist. Searching for red fuel. They were rim-lit by the setting African fireball sun. Wings large enough to give a back beat to the crickets' pulsing chirps. Basically, big appetites carried with poise and purpose en route to tonight's festival of flesh. And guess who is going to be the feast?
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